Contemplating integrity, clear yes and no, the clear distinction when body is generous and not and the knowing when an over extension is occuring due to "anothers point of view" + the after effect of giving when not wanting, or acting when trusting another more than oneself. The sensation of offness when not speaking up or standing up.
Soul and core integrity VS Ego
Its a clear difference of Ego and Core Intergrity. Often, when out of soul/core integrity there is a feeling of "off-ness", a feeling of uaki-ness, low vibration, can even be sadness or depression if ongoing. If, Ego loss, it more comes from thoughts/experiences like " I want to be right or I am loosing or looking bad or any other ego strategy ". If observing the stratgies, or energetics playing out we WILL feel the difference. Soul loss has more richness, form, depth, fullness while ego is more thought, irritation, competition, strategie bound and has less weight to its energetic. Though, it can be very powerful if not observed or serving the soul.
To stand in ones integrity,
Personally, integrity is really important, something that I highly value. If I notice the tribe am in stands for half truths, only wish to turn some stones but not all or, if the teacher do not accept to be challenged or reflected - or saying one thing and doing another. Or simply being dillusioned him/herself, then I simply have to make a choice if wanting to be there or not.
Is this what am standing for?
I have looked through my fingers before and know how that feels. Environments where I got seduced by a powerful teacher, I earlie on saw the shadows but stayed, and then got a really hard lesson which has taken years to recover from.
Charisma and power, does dangrous equals more growth?
I realize, probably like many others, I been seduced by charismatic, expressive, good looking, sexy teachers - " the dangerous ones "... and dissmised those who actaully where clean and in alignment.
Some charismatic ones, often comes with a bag of power games and hierachy. Although few wants to acknowledge that. They are brilliant to, amzing in many ways, but there is a shadow peice of over powering and don´t you dare to poke them, not even humourusly wiggle their shoulders a bit..
For some reason, I thought the hard way, was Zhe way....
Sometimes I wonder, even in the so called conscious community.. the hirearchy between "feminine and masculine", there is a lot of talking about being equal. But .. hmm -... sometimes it smells, like an old stinky poo in the corner, its just not clean. and even if its vague, few dare to speak up, blinded by idealism.
and this is what most of us do, we give away power to someone ( guilty of ), believing anothers truth is more valuable than ours. And sometimes, that is true, and we have to trust, and is brings great realizations, that is of course what we have teachers and guides for too.
Group pressure, inner calling.
But it can also come to a point, when the deep knowing clearly says something is actually off, not clean, not in alignemnt... And then to be brave enough, corageous enough to stand in that truth. Inner unique truth. Cus the opposite simply feels off. This means, to stand in our own truth even though, its different for someone else or even for a whole group. It takes civil courage, it takes bravery, it takes trust to dare to step aside and leave the group, for that what is true to oneself.
The path of the warrior
And this can also be the path off the warrior, the masses likes ot be craddled and nourished, fed. It is just enough for the ego to still stay in comfort, thats enough for some. And it´s always tough to walk against the stream, trusting the inner compass, knowing and trusting life knows better than the I, or anothers I.. And it takes a good look inside to know the difference of "why am I moving away" fear or love?
And in the cross road, make the choices needed, although the masses thinks you are completely mad...
For me, I also notice that when am in less erving environments, my psychic intuition becomes less, intuitivly, I know am in the wrong place and it seems as my higher support team is lowering its frequenzie and I can be less in service to others... A very interesting observation...
Thats integrity, to walk, talk and act in alignemnt with source. Remember that we learn through trial and error, how can the difference otherwise ever be known for sure?
In service of "you".