Embracing my Humanity ❤
Arlanda Airport, heading to Tallin to teach an ISTA L1.
What I love with traveling is that I am in some kind of a free zone. I can write, watch ppl and be in my creative flow and own head - only. No-one but strangers around, no questions, no wants, no talking.
Yet, today, there is tremendous resistance inside. It starts to become a huge sacrifice to live like this, I don't want to hide with the thoughts, feelings, experience. I love what I do, I will always give it all when am in a workshop room. But everytime is a sacrifice of sleep, rhythm, food and last but not least - personal deep relationships & family.
When traveling so much, its impossible - for me - to root and build deep friendships, not talk about a lovers relationship and my beloved little nephews. Always on the go, always preparing for the next. Then its utterly important to have rejuvenation and lone time while being home, otherwise I won't last.
Take me right, am not complaining but being transparent and I can mention a large number of benefits to do what am doing, and how much I simply LOVE it - now its simply time to narrow down though and locally focus.
I realize, that for many years. Yes many. My human heart has been sacrificed for the sake of the "greater good", for spirit, for other humans, I have dedicated my life to support a healthy awakening on this planet - and my mission has gone before everything, simply cus the calling from inside has been so strong.
Since I been so open since childhood, and had early awakenings and samadhis, It feels as I have walked the way from heaven to earth, ascending/descending, instead of the path of many - earth to spirit. And now, its enough. I wanna nourish my human heart. I wanna be here and now and also create space to do what I want to do for the sake of personal and soulful joy. I wanna play that guitar, pick up dj’ing, take cooking class, martial art classes and singing lessons.
I simply want to be. Hold my human heart in hands, with no need to transcend anything, with no more need to do healing for the collective "in the name of sacrificing myself". I will always work for humanity, grow spiritually and do what I do - by simply being me.
Not that I haven't loved all the development and ALL what I've experienced, I lived many life time within this life . Its simply a new era and similar things will be done, just differently - with a touch of glitter, gold sparkles, high heels and laughter.
On a side note in embracing my humanity....
Believe me, on some levels, this is on of the toughest experiences I ever experienced. To let the seeker go. Who am I without the seeker? After aaaallll these years,
Here, I do meet fear.
Its profound, really profound.
To let go of the seeker, is to die to something I identified with for more than 20 years.
Fear is, if I let go. Will I then fall asleep? Be a zombie in society? Controlled and programmed? Loose the opportunity to free more? Being defeated cus this lifestyle is a challenging one in a modern society. Lets say in the word of saga “ evil wins, light is defeated “.
That is the deepest fear ever...
To fall asleep... ( hearing a little whisper in my ear, how could you possibly ever fall asleep? )
Yet am pondering, what happens if I let it go?
Truth is, I don'thave the energy to “ fight” it longer.
Yet, the thought of letting go, to be “normal”, just be here and now...in everyday life.
Makes in this second, my heart pound.
And its not a pounding of excitement 😉
Boarding to the next adventure....